1. I have never been on my own
You would think this would be something I would have acknowledged by now, but this was the first time that I ever thought to myself, “You have always had roommates.” I think this came to me as a surprise because I am very independent by nature. That although I have always had roommates, I have always kind of felt on my own no matter what. My independence has always been something I have loved about myself, but at the end of the day, I have never lived alone. This, to me, is exciting, and overwhelming all at the same time (I am more excited than anything else).
2. I am much stronger than I thought
Seriously though…do you know how many deadlifts I had to do yesterday from picking up boxes, and heavy furniture? I feel as though I have been training everyday just so I could be ready to move. I have always enjoyed picking up heavy items and putting them down, so I was very prepared for this part of the process.
3. I own hundreds of books
You don’t realize how many books you have until you must pack them away, and carry those boxes to your car. For the record, I do consider myself a minimalist…except for when it comes to my books. I will never get rid of them. I have already created a hypothetical library in my mind of a house I do not own yet, and a life I have yet to live. Basically, when I think of the future, it includes a house with a library, and a window seat so I can read. I love my books. Some of them have been with me for a very long time. I think that is pretty cool.
4. I was in a constant battle with my OCD
Packing up my life forced me to challenge my obsession with keeping things because of the emotion tied to it, or because of my unnecessary fear of throwing away something I may need in the future. This has always been hard for me to do. For example, I hold onto notebooks I have from classes dating all the way back to high school. For fear of what? That I may need to brush up on my geometry notes from the tenth grade? I recognize that this is just a part of my need to control things, as well as a bad habit of not letting go. For the most part, I have gotten a lot better at managing my obsessions ever since I have been sober, but I have learned through this experience, that they will never completely go away, and that is okay as well. I can handle it.
5. I am capable of not procrastinating
Often, I worry about my procrastination, and how much I allow that to control my life. It is true what they say about procrastination being a form of self-sabotage, because all you are doing is putting yourself in a stressful situation. When it came to me moving though, I made sure to be proactive. It was a good test of how bad I wanted this to happen, and the list of things I had to do was long; but, I did it! I didn’t put off this one thing that was very important for me to accomplish, and ultimately, let me know that I am capable of not procrastinating.
6. I am going to miss my parents
Since becoming sober, I have lived at home. It was something that I lived in denial of for a long time, but when I look back on it, it was necessary. (Yes. My parents did charge me rent to live there, but I am glad they made me instill a monthly routine into my financial regiment) This time at home allowed me to mend the damage I had done over the years, and become the daughter my parents raised me to be, right before their eyes. We got to know each other more, and bond at a level that was different for both sides. Living under their roof helped me remain sober, and get back on my feet. It forced me to grow up, and take accountability for my actions as an adult. It was an experience that I grew to love, and it is one that I will be forever grateful for. I am who I am today because of them, and I will miss having them around.
7. I am finally ready for this chapter
This has been a goal of mine for quite some time now. When I made the choice to get sober, I was also making the choice to get out of Tampa, FL one day. I knew that there was nothing left for me there, and eventually, when I was ready, I would leave that city in my rearview, and drive towards new opportunities. So, that is exactly what I did, and it is because I finally feel capable of being on my own, mentally, physically, and emotionally. It has been a wild ride thus far, and I am excited to open new doors. For those of you that have traveled with me through this journey of mine, I am forever grateful for you. I am excited to see what’s ahead, and I hope you will continue growing with me.
-Megan Lawrence