The reality of this blog? I am writing from a place of desperation, because I have yet again, procrastinated my way to the finish line. Mind you, I am having to remind myself that this is a self-imposed finish line, and even if I do not hit publish by Noon, the world will still move forward, and I will survive despite not achieving this rule I have created for myself. Why am I telling you this? I am glad you asked! I am telling you this because contrary to popular belief, there are still many parts of my life that seem to choose desperation over inspiration, and it is because of this, that I am still having to learn why this is.
Now, on the flip side, there are many parts of me that love functioning out of inspiration; parts of me that have learned their lesson, and are finally understanding balance. If you are a human being, you can relate, because like you, there are parts that I prefer to avoid and parts that I have learned to love and accept about myself. That being said, we are ALL working on ourselves, and whether we decide to choose desperation or inspiration, we have to accept that we were the ones who made that choice.
So, how do we get out of these habits we have formed around desperation? Good question! There is no ‘one size fits all’ type of answer for this. What has worked for me, may not work for everyone, but at the same time, what could it hurt to try, right? To be frank, self-awareness is a great start to learning how to choose inspiration over desperation. I know you may be thinking, ‘easier said than done’, BUT! I am a firm believer that we are all capable of self-awareness. When I started questioning the reasoning for my behavior and challenging the fears I kept having to face, I was able to get honest with myself about the parts of me that needed the most work; the parts of me that were acting out of desperation.
A little backstory…I am someone you could describe as ‘all in or all out’. I think anyone in recovery can relate when I say that moderation has never really been my thing. Like all things, there are pros and cons to any preferred way of living. For example, for the parts of me that prefer to live on the edge, those parts are motivated by desperation. For the parts of me that prefer to live with passion and intent, those are the parts that are learning to choose inspiration. When we choose to put our energy into the things we love about ourselves, the less we will partake, and entertain the fear that thrives on desperation. I still to this day have to practice balance with every compartmentalized part of my being. Somedays it can be exhausting, and emotionally taxing, but it has been through doing the work on myself that I have grown to appreciate each chapter along the way. One thing we must all remember is that we cannot let past choices keep us from ever knowing what it is like to make better ones. I have grown to love knowing that I am capable of changing the direction of my life with my choices moving forward.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way through the influence of the world we associate with. Meaning, the world we partake in on a daily basis, as well as the world we socialize with online. We all feel some kind of obligation to appear, behave, and achieve based on the norm we have created for ourselves. Where am I going with this? Well, based on the level of importance we put on how we appear to others, the more we will tend to act out of desperation. When we focus on achieving for ourselves, we will find that we are inspired simply because we are being fulfilled internally, and that holds far greater value than extrinsic validation. When we can take ownership of the work we do in the world, both professionally and passionately, we can learn to choose inspiration as our default. Eventually, by become self-aware of this, and wanting to make better choices for YOU, it will become much easier to choose inspiration over desperation. The latter will not disappear completely, and there will always be a level of work that is required to remain inspired, but it begins with YOU, and your choice for wanting more for yourself, and the world around you.
When looking back on the moments in my life that were motivated out of desperation, it is very obvious to me now why I kept hitting rock bottoms. I was never willing to learn a lesson unless it hit me hard enough. I am self-aware enough now to recognize that I have the option of choosing the opposite. I am finally learning to love that I can decide which direction to take my life and that in the end, I must be willing to take ownership of all the steps I took along the way. It is important for all of us to remember that we are not who we were in the past, we are the person we choose to become moving forward.
So, I must leave you with one last question…Which are you going to choose? Inspiration or Desperation? (Okay, I guess that is kind of two questions, but you get my point )
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you.
Megan Lawrence