* This article was originally published through The Recovery Village. You can find more of my work by clicking on their name! *
How many times have you found yourself in a relationship headed nowhere, yet you are still able to tell yourself that if you leave, you will never find someone else? I have been that person in multiple situations, and even though I am not proud of that fact, I am proud that I eventually learned the lesson that I needed to learn: That I have always been allowed to leave anything, or ANYONE, that was toxic for me.
Manipulation is NOT Love!
Anytime you feel as though you are doing something out of obligation, or fear, it may just be because the person you ‘love’ has manipulated you to believe that you are wrong in some way by doing anything else. That by doing as they say, and following their ‘rules’, you are handing them the power, even though you may have no idea that what they are doing is manipulating you. People with this toxic set of skills are good at what they do for a reason; they are able to convince you that their treatment is love, and without them, you would feel less than, and unworthy. While in fact, quite the opposite is true. By standing up for yourself, and recognizing when you are being taken advantage of, you gain back your control, and hopefully, the momentum you need to realize that the relationship you have been in has been based around manipulation…NOT love. These patterns and tendencies are not easy to break, but it is completely possible to be done. You must first realize that you are allowed to leave this kind of abuse.
You Will NOT be Alone Forever!
The biggest fear of those who are faced with walking away from a relationship is the fear that they will not find anyone else. It is a strange fear to have, but at the same time, when you have been emotionally or physically abused by someone who claims to love you, our minds can start to believe that this is the kind of behavior that we have always deserved. It can be even harder to walk away when someone’s toxic behavior shows up after the part where we ‘fell in love’ with them. When our minds become poisoned by bad treatment, we can easily justify staying in something that we should be quickly running away from. When all we know for an extended amount of time is the treatment of this toxic person, we are faced with the fear of there being nothing else out there for us. For those that may not understand those of us who stay in bad relationships, it is not easy to just walk away. Even when we do decide to finally rid ourselves of those who are toxic, there are still many battles to face on our own. The important thing is just realizing that you will not be alone forever, but also, being alone is sometimes exactly what we need at the time.
Change the Way You Look at ‘Leaving’
We don’t like to walk away from people because of the uncertainty it causes us to feel. We will tell ourselves anything if it makes the thought of ‘leaving’ that much easier to deal with. Instead of seeing it as the end of something, change your perspective to make you see that you have that much more opportunity for growth, self-love, and eventually, the relationship you never knew existed. Those of us who know what it’s like to stay in a toxic relationship know just how warped our minds can become, so even the thought of leaving can cause us panic and anxiety. First and foremost, if this is the kind of emotion that is brought up when considering to leave anything toxic, it should be very telling that we are in the wrong relationship. When we find someone who has good intentions for us, wants to treat us right and shows us what we were missing all along, well, you will never have to ‘wonder’ if you need to leave them behind. They will never make you question your worth, and most importantly, they will never make you question their behavior.
Love based around fear is NOT love at all, and it is a sure sign that you should leave the toxic relationship that you are in. Remember, you are allowed to do so; the sooner the better.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you.
Megan Lawrence