Dear Readers,
First and foremost, thank you for being here. I am not sure how you discovered this page, or how long you have been reading my words, but regardless, you have somehow stumbled upon this letter, and for that, I appreciate you.
When I first started this writing journey of mine, I had no idea what would come of it. The first time I hit “Post” was back in 2014 because a friend of mine encouraged me to share my thoughts; and boy, has it been an interesting three years since then. If you have been following me from that first post I made on Instagram, then you deserve an award, because you have been with me through some of my lowest moments, and lately, some of my highest. I decided to share my thoughts with the world because honestly, writing them down was the only way they would ever come out of me. I have never been any good at speaking up about what hurts, but writing, that was an entirely new way for me to escape. It wasn’t long before people started following my journey, and to be honest, it saddened my heart to know that so many people were able to relate to my sadness. I had no intention of gaining “followers” in the process, but what I gained was so much more than that. I gained friends; people who may not know me on a daily basis, but understand me on a level that is harder to explain.
A lot has changed in my life since that year, and I am nowhere near the person I was a little over three years ago. In that time, I have lost friendships, I have been promoted, I have burnt bridges, I have moved cities, I created this website, I have been published, I had to bury the past, literally and figuratively. In that time, I attempted to end my life, and since then, I have spent my time trying to understand why. I have only just begun to understand who I am, and even though there are large parts of me that have been damaged, I am learning that it is possible to heal, no matter how broken you have once felt. Since I started my recovery in August of 2015, I have learned a lot about myself through the process of finally being honest about who that person is. I was always somewhat naïve about how I should feel regarding certain situations and I didn’t truly learn how to cope with my emotions until I could remove the parts of me that were holding me back. If there is one thing I have learned throughout my recovery, it’s that I am always going to make mistakes in this life, but I have always been capable of picking myself back up.
As my reader, I assume that you are just looking to heal as well because isn’t that what we are all doing anyway? Trying to figure out what helps us the most in our greatest times of need? When it comes to my words, I don’t claim to know anything special or think that I am better than anyone else; because I am not. I am simply just a girl who is trying to connect with anyone that has ever felt alone.
I don’t know what I will be writing about in a year from now; hell, I don’t even know what my blog post for next week is going to be. What’s important is that you are here today, and it’s because of that, that I am grateful. I often feel guilty for not saying that enough, or that I may not respond to messages as fast as I should, but please know, that I do hear you, and I am just doing the best that I can.
One of the things that I am always so shocked to read, is that the sender of the message didn’t know if they should say anything or not. Please. If you have something you need to get off your chest, or need someone to confide in, do not hesitate to reach out to me. Know that there are people out there who will listen to your silent cries. Sometimes just typing out how you feel is enough to save you from a current darkness. It may not heal everything, but it’s a start. We should never feel like we must stay silent about what is hurting us; it’s often the secrets we keep that are hurting us the most – Set them free.
If you take anything away from this letter, I hope it’s that you know you are so much more than just a ‘reader’ of mine. You are one of the reasons why I keep writing, why I keep sharing my truth, and why I never want to stay silent again, or feel that I must keep it all in. You are a human being who is searching for something, and my wish is that everyone can find at least one good thing to take away from my words, even if it’s just the simple fact that YOU are NOT alone.
Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.
Megan Lawrence