An all too common thing a lot of us face is the loss of someone we saw as a part of our futures. This can be a devastating blow when we find out that life has other plans for us, and at the time, it is all too easy for us to think that life has it out for us. The thing that most of us fail to see is that situations like this are not the reason why we feel broken. The reason why we feel broken is because we often give too much of ourselves to other people, leaving us to feel like we are not whole once they are no longer in the picture.
I am here to remind you that you are whole, you have always been whole, and this ‘brokenness’ you feel is just one of life’s ways of challenging you to become, you guessed it, even more whole!
I am not going to pretend that I know what you are going through, or what kind of relationship you had before this happened, but I do know what it was like for me when going through heart break, and it was ultimately what I was doing that kept me feeling ‘broken’ much longer than I needed to feel. I felt bad for myself, and ultimately, I lost myself in that. It was easy to play the martyr and wonder what it is that was wrong with me that was easy to leave. So, instead of bettering myself and moving forward, I kept myself in the same place, and I continued breaking myself down in ways that made me feel broken; not because I actually was.
Falling in love with someone is an amazing feeling, so when it doesn’t work out in our favor, and the fireworks we once felt begin to fade, we face a fork in the road where we decide if that person is truly meant for us. If you are reading this, it is most likely because you were the part of the equation that wanted to keep moving forward with that person, while the other half of the equation decided that there is something more out there for them.
Here is the hardest truth to accept: there is something and someone else out there for them, but you know what else? There is something and someone else out there for you as well, and I think too many of us forget about that part. It is so easy for us to take these kinds of endings to heart and that is natural. We constantly question what we could have done differently, or where we went wrong in the first place. We blame ourselves for how things turned out, and we continue breaking our own hearts once the original break has already happened.
So, how do we go about becoming whole again?
Well, first we recognize that we have been whole from the beginning. Your worth has never been decided by another person. That is something that completely comes from within who you are, and what you know you are capable of doing. Second, we accept the fact that some things must come to an end, so we can find new beginnings. It is hard for us to see at first but some people choosing to leave us is a blessing in disguise. It is much easier said than done, but you can and will find the good within goodbye. Third, we stop sitting around feeling bad for ourselves, because whether you like it or not, that person is no longer around, and you shouldn’t spend one more second questioning who you are. Put your energy into finding who you were before you even knew that person’s name. Fourth, be alone, and honestly, this is the most important step. Don’t rush into something new without healing what hurts. You can’t mask your pain with someone else. You need to be brave enough to feel the worst of it, and spending alone time was crucial in me learning that I have been whole from the beginning. I just had to spend time with MYSELF to figure that out. Last but not least, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there again. When you rediscover that person that you forgot was inside of you all along, don’t let your past heart break keep you from being with the person that will see all of you. You may not be able to see how this step is possible at the moment, but please know, and this is a promise, if you do the work to regain your place in this world, and you find the things that speak true to yourself, you will come across the person who will recognize that, and never make you question the person that you are: Someone worth staying for.
Despite how you may feel at the moment, there is something very valuable to be learned throughout this process. Heart break is not easy, and I am not trying to discount that fact, but what I am trying to tell you, is that we do not need to make it harder than it has to be. Take the time you need to feel what you need to feel, and make no apologies for the period it takes for you to come up with your own closure. Talk about it with a friend who has gone through their own heart break, reach out to people who may be able to provide you with some of the answers you can’t find for yourself, and start to rebuild the person you have always been. Just because you may feel broken, does not mean that there is something missing. You were whole before someone else made you feel any different.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you. I love you.