I have never been any good at being with people, at least not in a healthy way. It took me many failed ‘situationships’ to realize that I needed to spend some time with myself. It was in that time that I found something I never expected: I discovered exactly who I am when no one else is looking.
I may not always like who I have been, and I may not always agree with the thoughts that enter my mind, but I have a found a certain peace within the parts of me that make me flawed, and I have come to terms with all the things that I cannot change. It is because I made the choice to spend time by myself that I found out I CAN love who I am despite the things that make me harder to love.
I questioned the title of this post because I don’t typically like using the word ‘never’ to explain something, but I can honestly say that I will NEVER regret the time I spent figuring out who I am. There are 10 reasons that stand out the most:
1. I learned to love my own company, and discovered that I didn’t have to feel lonely --
Loneliness is a weird word, because as the word would imply, it makes you believe that loneliness is about isolation. For me, loneliness has only ever been caused by another person. Being alone, and feeling lonely are two completely different emotions/feelings. When I was depending on someone else to love me, I felt what loneliness is. When I learned how to love my own company, I figured out that I never had to be alone.
2. I found out that I am a complete person on my own --
I want this for all people. I want everyone to constantly remember that they were a whole person before someone else came into their life. When you give yourself space to heal, you can mend the broken pieces, and replace the ones that were stolen from you. We must never forget that we weren’t designed to be attached to another human being. We were just meant… ‘to be’.
3. I was able to figure out who I am without someone else’s opinion --
I used to believe everything someone would tell me about myself. “Really? I do that? I guess I just never realized that about myself.” And maybe that was because I wasn’t actually that way, and I was just easily manipulated into believing what other people thought of me. When spending time alone, I was able to truly learn who I am, that way next time I know when someone else is trying to control me, or use my weaknesses against me.
4. I figured out that I am capable of figuring things out --
It is amazing what you can figure out when you have no one else around to do it for you. There were many times that I had to put on my big girl pants and get my hands a little dirty. Dealing with flat tires, broken equipment, or a leaky faucet – You would be surprised at all the things you are capable of fixing yourself. It was refreshing to know that I could get myself out of certain situations that you never see coming.
5. I made decisions for myself, because I wanted to --
It is nice not having to respond to anyone…except you. I was free to make all the decisions for myself, and choose what was best for me at any given moment. We have the rest of our lives to find someone to make decisions with. I never saw the rush in finding a forever so soon.
6. I discovered a sense of independence --
There is nothing more empowering to me than going somewhere by myself, and being okay with the fact that I am sitting somewhere alone. We are so afraid to be seen as vulnerable, that we create this irrational fear of not being able to do stuff all by ourselves. Once you realize that most of what we tell ourselves is just in our own head, it will get much easier to take yourself out on dates. My independence is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
7. I was able to quit my addictions to people & toxic love --
I was never any good at love, because I have always treated love as an addiction. I grew dependent on certain people, and the ‘highs’ I would experience with them. When I made the choice to be alone, I was able to figure out why I was always drawn to toxic situations, and toxic people. I had to discover what was toxic within myself that was causing me to desire so much destruction. Being alone allowed me to withdrawal from the toxicity I had let enter my life.
8. I learned to love all of me; even the ugly parts --
The ugly parts have become what I love the most about myself, when at one point, they were the things that were causing me to hate who I am. No one can use your past against you when you are able, and willing to own up to all that you have done, and who you may have been. Once we see that we are in control of how we choose to feel in our own skin, the past becomes just a piece of your story, and no longer a reason to hold you back from your future.
9. I was able to forgive myself for all the destruction I caused --
In my alone time, I did my fair share of not only forgiving other people, but mainly, forgiving myself. I take full responsibility for the hearts that I have damaged, and I have forgiven those who were careless with my own. When people hurt us, I like to believe that it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with us, as much as it does with how much they are hurting inside of themselves. This makes sense to me because I think back on the times that I have hurt other people, and it was never those people that were the target for my pain; they just happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Taking time for myself was important for me and it was the time I needed to either burn certain bridges, or mend what I can.
10. I found my worth (Cliché, I know, but true for a reason) --
I know what I want out of this life, I know what fulfills me, I know what I am capable of, and I know that life is about the moments we create for ourselves, and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. Being alone was great for so many things, but the one thing I am most grateful for, is finding my worth, and realizing that there is freedom on the other side of fear.
Discovering who we are is a gift, and I want you to give yourself that. Go on an adventure all alone, go take yourself out to dinner, and celebrate all that you have overcome in your life. You deserve to know that you can have the life you have always imagined if you stop putting yourself in a box that is smaller than it should be. We must do the little things that create fulfillment in ourselves, because at the end of the day, you are all you have, and I think we should all like who that is. Life is hard enough as it is, why spend any more time fighting ourselves, when we can live our lives loving exactly who we are and what we stand for?
Thank you for reading. As always, I love you, and I appreciate you.